Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Dear Blogosphere

I told my job today that I would be away for two days next week to go to Las Vegas.

They didn't take it too well.

"We must have 100% attendance from all the temps until July." Uhhhhhhhh. "We can't slow down production" Uhhhhhh?????? I'm not a robot, man.

I knew from the beginning that this job was not gonna be a match for me, and this seals the deal. I mean, come on, at most I can pump out seven footlocker cash registers in a day, not a huge loss. I also told them that I had no interest in becoming a permanent employee which put me on this new kind of level. Felt like my prison sentence was shortened. Oh well, fuck em if they can't see the folly of their ways. I'm going to go rock out in the hedonistic beyond thuderdome playland in Nevada.

I'm praying to the gods of the internet that a new job will come up for me. My patience is wearing really thin at the computer factory. What started out as a way to get back on track is going to warp my sanity and fade my creativity if I don't get out soon.

You see, I have this problem.

I think I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

This is bullshit.

There are TONS of things I like to do or can do or should do.

But I'm lazy.

Or, I have some weird, deep-down fear of success.

That's probably it.

I've come "this" close many times to the fast lane, where everything is falling into place, and the future looks bright....

and then,

I fuck up.

It's all pretty unconscious. I can look back on a lot of things now and see this pattern repeating. Fourth grade, I just realized is maybe where it began. Hmmm.

It's gotten down into the thick of things right now. This (I hope) is the LAST damn "dark night of the soul" I have to go through.

All my dreams are loosing their color.

Everything that is important to me is turning into a smeared, faded eye chart that I can't read anymore. It's like why bother?

I've got to get it back, with whatever means necessary. This is my last chance.


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