Monday, November 15, 2004

145. putting the remote control ham percolator in rerun’s pants

I serached for "ham percolator". Some asshole bootlegged the list, and claimed it for his own. See The Nonist for reference. Funniest list ever. The benches. Cornwall On Hudson. Matt Monteleone, certified genius.

1. wanking
2. choke the chicken
3. jerking off
4. spanking it
5. stroking it
6. swelling the peachy dome
7. releasing the hostages
8. windsurfing on mount baldy
9. pocket pool
10. smacking st. peter
11. spanking the puppy
12. banging the cowbell
13. rockin’ the casbah
14. slapping the bishop
15. polishing the nob
16. launching the skiff
17. shaking hands with telly sevalas
18. greeting the auctioneer
19. poppin’ the hood
20. freein’ willy
21. taking lessons from a private tutor
22. letting people out of the tent
23. cleaning the litterbox

24. spilling the milk
25. getting interviewed by montel
26. conquering the gladiator
27. waltzing with the barber
28. digging for gold
29. swimming the english channel
30. riding the rocketship to wonderland
31. carbon dating the shroud of turin
32. christening the shaft
33. dorking off
34. making sparks in the dark
35. leafin’ through the phonebook
36. cycling with salman rushdie
37. jiggling the handle
38. parking in front of a fire hydrant
39. holding the pickles
40. singing in the shower
41. invading poland
42. pulling out the corkscrew on your swiss army penis
43. heating up the leftover meatloaf
44. pushing the toast down again
45. putting the lemon in the iced tea
46. renovating the summer home

47. weed-whacking custer’s grave
48. cleaning the pipes
49. looking for mr. goodwrench
50. flipping the turtle on it’s back
51. calling the bugman
52. paying for brendan’s college
53. applying for a loan
54. plugging in the electric rawhide toaster slinky
55. stealing the buns from cumberland
56. expanding westward
57. kissing babies with oliver north
58. dropping off wes
59. bowlin’ a spare
60. sitting on the ball polisher
61. talking to the meat vendor
62. negotiating with alan thicke
63. diving for sunken treasure
64. shaving blackbeard the pirate
65. rescuing the swiss family robinson
66. falling into the basement
67. tickling trotsky
68. hosing down mr. salonsky
69. fallin’ off the train
70. having the speilberg’s over for dinner
71. unhooding the jawa
72. gripping the monorail of love
73. tappan zee bridge
74. dustin hoffman
75. robbing the cheese car
76. singing with the barbershop quartet
77. anchoring the news
78. harboring the fugitive
79. assasinating lincoln
80. crossing the mason-dixon
81. riding the pony express with harriet tubman
82. smuggling a slave
83. bombing hiroshima
84. getting saddam hussein out of kuwait
85. adjusting the volume
86. smoking with charlemagne
87. playing pool at missy’s summer house in coxsackie
88. railsliding your pants
89. punishing the gerbil
90. punching john travolta
91. calling the maytag repairman
92. going behind the iron curtain
93. driving grandma through the bedroom
94. having a catch with sandy kofax
95. playing with the bearded lady
96. scraping the lint from the dryer
97. flogging the nigger
98. getting self-serve at the mobil station
99. fondling cabin boy
100. parting the red sea
101. duct-taping jesus to the cross
102. blowing the horn
103. boinking the bingo man
104. tipping over the gimp
105. massaging the revolving donkey
106. stuffing the backpack with baby heads
107. riding the seesaw with oprah winfrey
108. slapping geraldo’s donahue
109. greasing maury povitch
110. cleaning the sistine chapel
111. buying a wheelchair for stalin
112. throwing up in the pork store
113. playing pogs with bucky theis
114. riding horses with kimmy greaves
115. spreading salad dressing on pataki
116. swimming in velveeta
117. neutering bob barker
118. shaving the weinerdog
119. checking connie chung’s oil
120. calling hoffman a nazi
121. ernest borgnein’s eyepatch
122. playing catch with sandy duncan’s glass eye
123. squeezing the lemon meringue pie
124. raging against the machine
125. whipping the family ferret
126. taking prozac with tom jones
127. digging for gold in guam
128. jumping rope with mussolini
129. stroking the wolf boy
130. mixing drinks with a yak
131. cultivating rice with ricardo montaban
132. beating the midget
133. killing the chipmunk
134. probing patty poole
135. backing the ups truck over pavarotti
136. unravelling the butter
137. frolicking in the andes
138. varnishing bob villa
139. giving captain pickard a shoe-wedgie
140. my name is amago montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.
141. inflating queen elizabeth
142. eating bacos with darth vader
143. inserting a donkey
144. making origami with hitler
145. putting the remote control ham percolator in rerun’s pants
146. tenderizing the bloated sandwich
147. pile-driving castro’s bananas
148. starsky and hutch
149. getting the power from greyskull
150. forming voltron
151. smurfing
152. transforming optimus prime
153. breaking your wookie
154. stuffing ghandi
155. getting meathead out of archie’s chair
156. jogging with nell carter
157. driving kitt
158. exposing the evil michael knight
159. stretching webster
160. molesting dudley
161. rollerskating with tootie
162. squeezing the grapes of wrath
163. cutting the bonzai tree
164. waxing ralph machio’s aardvark
165. shampooing khadaffi
166. making jello with ywinwie malmstein
167. making porkbutter with the amish
168. choking geiser
169. raving with sestock
170. sestocking geiser
171. burking sestock
172. blaspheming meatloaf
173. drinking crisco with burl ives
174. paying mr. furley his rent
175. defacing ronnie blair memorial hall
176. getting cross examined by tom bosley
177. driving the white bronco
178. welcoming back kotter.



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