Foggy grey area near the redocean of blood near route four.

edge of orgasm, edge of a sneeze. a foot in both worlds. It's the back and forth, almost giving in but not quite feeling. Edge of the cliff hot to cool sheets. I'm floating in this netherworld between depression and..not depression. I'm so in my head all the time. I can barely socialize or talk for that matter. it's perversely pleasureable like smoking or shoplifting..and it's all I know right now.

it's almost like i want to slit my wrists ritchie tenenbaum style every morning and every night and float away on a sea of warm blood. but not exactly. work is like a video game, not my real life..where did that go? it's almost relaxing to work at my hyperstressfasttimes job then it's back to my non existant life.

I discovered this book through some great new people this weekend. I'm a four. Bohemian four. It's so so true. Maybe more later.

I got this cool lamp for my room. Junk dealer on broadway, crazy. Makes me feel like Marcel Proust (i think that's his name) or that guy who wrote that book where he secludes himself in his mansion, smokes opium and puts jewels on turtle's shells and coats the whole place in velvet fabric. I gotta get out more as they say.

the future is so bright i gotta wear shades and it's all about vegan slo food green design and zero emmision cars and it's all bout all this amazing shit that i can see but can't seem to output. I'm like a mute paralyzed psychic living 5 hours in the future, and a stuck up hellen keller who is "like" so far above, but in reality so far below the popular culture.

visiting freinds on the weekend is like having an affair or the martha stewart real simple version of a coke bender and a car chase with a trunk full of guns. it's like cheating on my lame life or going on a feild trip.

speaking of which, i should go to dc this weekend. beth has the studio rockin. i'm listening to Thomas spin-and he's dope but we are there, and it's a continual shame.

I wanna thank all the amazing people i know, and the new ones that blow my mind and keep me from blowing my mind.