Wednesday, December 24, 2003

I'm Back At Imageland

I feel retarded right now. It's amazing I can hold it together. This hangover is deafining.I want to sleep it off for a few lifetimes.

Am I Still Drunk?

Joi Ito style, I'm gonna quit drinking. Maybe today, maybe for the new year, I'm gonna quit. I love it..maybe too much. It's fun, but always ends in some wacky-bad fashion.. As I sit writing this my head still reels like I'm drunk, or half asleep. God. What bullshit. Last night at my friend's John and Katie's Christmas party, I got drunk. Porno Steve didn't get drunk. I did. Lots of vodka and cranberries and southern comfort. AAAAAAARRRRRHH!!!!!! Lots of stupid-drunk talking. Social lubricant. As I left, I hugged Katie's sister, and fell on the floor, with both of us in tow. God damn it, good thig I didn't kill us both! Your a smooth one, Mr. Danomyte. No, just kidding.. Your a drunk bastard, you fuck. God. I have to go work in an hour. World, please end now. It would make my head feel nice.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Dig For Gold In Parking Lots, And Give It All Away

All I want for Christmas is everything. All I want for Christmas is for hungry little kids to get fed. All I want for Christmas is for homeless people to not walk the cold city streets of Newburgh drinking Colt 45. All I want for Christmas is uncontrollable rapture and ecstasy for everyone. I want the streets to turn to gold and credit card debt to swarms of tropical parrots.

Spelling iz for Fools

I've never really considered writing before. The Gould family has a long tradition of image making that goes back at least four generations. Maybe that's it. I love making pictures but not untill right now have I actually thought about writing. I love books. I've had a blog in one form or another since 1998, that's writing. All those pesky grammer and spelling rules may have kept me away from writing, REALLY writing. Hmmm. Maybe I'm liking writing because it's so clear, writing can be lucid in ways that visual communications cannot be. Fuck, This is great.

Today I found the blog of Tony Pierce. Fucking amazing.

"... a 1967 international treaty holds that everything in the solar system, except Earth itself, is the property of everyone in the world and no one country."

Put The Ass Back In Christmass

If hear one more Christmas song I'm going to flip out. If hear one more person talking about how much they have to do during the "holiday season" I'll slap them. If someone in the media says "last minute gifts" or "for everyone on your list", it's all over.

If all these people used half the time and money wasted on insignificant gifts and insted gave it to charity, the world may be a much better place.

Disturbing Facts:

$217.4 Billion total holiday shopping predicted for November and December 2003
$671.89 average, per person

Call me crazy, but isn't that some "end world hunger" type of money?

My holiday gift to you is this essay by Neville Goddard. It's really fucking deep, please think about it.

Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son,
and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted
is God with us.Matt. 1:23.

One of the most controversial statements in the New Testament
concerns the virgin conception and subsequent birth of Jesus, a
conception in which man had no part. It is recorded that a virgin
conceived a son without the aid of man, then secretly and without
effort gave birth to her conception. This is the foundation upon
which all Christendom rests. The Christian world is asked to
believe this story, for man must believe the unbelievable to fully
express the greatness that he is. Scientifically, man might be
inclined to discard the whole Bible as untrue because his
reason will not permit him to believe that the virgin birth is
physiologically possible, but the Bible is a message of the soul
and must be interpreted psychologically if man is to discover its
true symbology. Man must see this story as a psychological
drama rather than a statement of physical fact. In so doing he
will discover the Bible to be based on a law which if self-applied
will result in a manifested exprcssion transcending his wildest
dreams of accomplishment. To apply this law of self-expression,
man must be schooled in the belief and disciplined to stand
upon the platfonn that "all things are possible to God."

The outstanding dramatic dates of the New Testament, namely,
the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus, were timed and dated
to coincide with certain astronomical phenomena. The mystics
who recorded this story noticed that at certain seasons of the
year beneficial changes on earth coincided with astronomical
changes above. In writing this psychological drama they have
personified the story of the soul as the biography of man. Using
these cosmic changes, they have marked the birth and
resurreotion of Jesus to convey that the same beneficial
changes take place psychologically in the consciousness of
man as he follows the law.

Even to those who fail to understand it the story of Christmas is
one of the most beautiful stories ever told. When unfolded in the
light of its mystic symbology, it is revealed as the true birth of
every manifestation in the world.

This virgin birth is recorded as having taken place on December
25th or, as certain secret societies celebrate it, on Christmas
Eve, at midnight of December 24th. Mystics established this date
to mark the birth of Jesus because it was in keeping with the
great earthly benefits this astronomical change signifies.

The astronomical observations which prompted the authors of
this drama to use these dates were all made in the northern
hemisphere; so from an astronomical point of view the reverse
would be true if seen from the southem latitudes. However, this
story was recorded in the north and therefore was based on
northern observation.

Man very early discovered that the sun played a most important
part in his life, that without the sun physical life as he knew it
could not be. So these most important dates in the story of the
life of Jesus are based upon the position of the sun as seen
from the earth in the northern latitudes.

After the sun reaches its highest point in the heavens in June, it
gradually falls southward, taking with it the life of the plant world
so that by December almost all of nature has been stilled.
Should the sun continue to fall southward, all nature would be
stilled unto death. However, on December 25th, the sun begins
its great move northward, bringing with it the promise of
salvation and life anew for the world. Each day, as the sun rises
higher in the heavens, man gains confidence in being saved
from death by cold and starvation, for he knows that as it moves
northward and crosses the equator all nature will rise again, will
be resurrected from its long winter sleep.

Our day is measured from midnight to midnight, and, since the
visible day begins in the east and ends in the west, the ancients
said the day was born of that constellation which occupied the
eastern horizon at midnight. On Christmas Eve, or midnight of
December 24th, the constellation Virgo is rising on the eastern
horizon. So it is recorded that this son and savior of the world
was born of a virgin. It is also recorded that this virgin mother
was traveling through the night, that she stopped at an inn and
was given the only available room among the animals and there
in a manger, where the animals fed, the shepherds found the
Holy Child.

The animals with whom the Holy Virgin was lodged are the holy
animals of the zodiac. There in that constantly moving circle of
astronomical animals stands the Holy Mother, Virgo, and there
you will see her every midnight of December 24th, standing on
the eastern horizon as the sun and savior of the world starts his
journey northward.

Psychologically, this birth takes place in man on that day when
man discovers his consciousness to be the sun and savior of
his world. When man knows the significance of this mystical
statement, "I am the light of the world," he will realize that his I
AM, or consciousness, is the sun of his life, which sun radiates
images upon the screen of space. These images are in the
likeness of that which he, as man, is conscious of being. Thus
qualities and attributes a, which appear to move upon the screen
of his world are really projections of this light from within himself.

The numberless unrealized hopes and ambitions of man are the
seeds which are buried within the consciousness or virgin
womb of man. There they remain like the seeds of earth, held in
the frozen waste of winter, waiting for the sun to move northward
or for man to return to the knowledge of who he is. In returning
he moves northward through recognition of his true self by
claiming "I AM the light of the world."

When man discovers his consciousness or I AM to be God, the
savior of his world, he will be as the a, sun in its northern
passage. All hidden urges and ambitions will then be warmed
and stimulated into birth by this knowledge of his true self. He
will claim that he is that which heretofore he hoped to be. Without
the aid of any man, he will define himself as that which he
desires to express. He will discover that his I AM is the virgin
conceiving without the aid of man, that all conceptions of himself,
when felt, and fixed in consciousness, will be ernbodied easily
as living realities in his world.

Man will one day realize that this whole drama takes place in his
consciousness, that his unconditioned consciousness or I AM is
the Virgin Mary desiring to express, that through this law of
self-expression he defines himself as that which he desires to
express and that without the help or cooperation of anyone he
will express that which he has consciously claimed and defined
himself as being. He will then understand: why Christmas is
fixed on December 25th, while Easter is a movable date; why
upon the virgin conception the whole of Christendom rests; that
his consciousness is the virgin womb or bride of the Lord
receiving impressions as self-impregnations and then without
assistance embodying these impressions as the expressions of
his life.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

I took a leap of faith and landed on my face.

Ha! Despair, I spit in your face! Fuck you doubt. Hey self-pity, I slept with your girlfriend.

It was my decision. It was my fault. I Took A Risk And Failed, So What?

I just got off the phone with a collection agency looking for money I owe a credit card company. This money is 3 months past due. Therefore my debt gets the privilege of a higher interest rate and late fees. I like to punch walls while I talk to them.

Sometimes I wish I never quit my job at Imageland. Yeah, my boss was driving me mad and the workload was stressing my body to the point of having heart palpitations, but I would have had money. Money. Fuck. What an insane world.

The first thing that runs through my mind in these moments is: "Oh, poor me, if only...It's not fair...Oh my God, what the fuck am I going to do. this situation is hopeless...". Other times I can make myself blissfully ignorant as if these debts will disappear and stop bothering me like some annoying acquaintance you politely ignore.

I admit it; I have not been very good at planning. When I quit my job to freelance I did not realistically think out what would be required. I didn't have enough money to support myself, didn't have a clear plan of action and did not care! I just jumped ship with no map, no supplies, and hoped for the best.

However, I refuse to let this set-back slow me down. Usually I may mope around, sleep excessively or get drunk to ease the pain. Not this time. I'm putting decorations on the Christmas tree. There are few presents under it but it's making me feel better.

For some reason I have this paralyzing fear of paying off my debts. Maybe it's because it seems impossible, an insurmountable challenge. Maybe it's because I think that I would have no money, and I couldn't do anything, and my life would suck.

Anyway, I took a huge, uncalculated risk (or maybe calculated inside fanstasy land!), and I failed. Or did I? It sure feels like failure when you don't have any available money and the bill collector is calling you during the Bernie Mac show. I did fail, to some degree but at the same time I've learned so much.

So many people never take risks in their life. They just try not to rock the boat too much, and take the safe route, then die. Well I congratulate myself! Although, in hindsight what I did was foolish, at least I did it.

I must remember. I must not repeat the mistakes of the past anymore. I can fail again, but let's make them smaller, faster and right away, I want to get to the really good stuff.

I must keep moving.

Thursday, December 18, 2003

King Danomyte is OK Everyone

Just because the last post was leaking despair and bad cheer doesn't mean I've toatally lost it. I'm feeling alot better right now. The last post was me purging my system, it had to get out. Better on my blog then me freaking out at Wal Mart or something.

On another note, I'm gonna start up the Invisible Culture Institute Blog again as a forum for more public thoughts, and other cool stuf TBD.


King Danomyte

Help Me Please - The Suckers May Be Right

Maybe it's because I have $20.00 to my name. Maybe it's because it's because of this abominable winter. Maybe it's because I desperately want to move out of my house. Maybe it's because I want to move out of New York State. Maybe it's because I think I'll miss New York. Maybe it's because I can't find ways to make decent money. Maybe it's because I have lots of debt. Maybe it's because I feel like that debt will never go away. Maybe it's because I need lots of money to move to L.A. Maybe it's because my sister is fucking up her life. Maybe it's because I don't want to work. Maybe it's because I'm hungry all the time, but can't afford to eat. Maybe it's because I desperately want to sleep, but insomnia keeps me awake. Maybe it's because even though I love my friends and family, I want to escape them. Maybe it's because I'm mad at American society in general. Maybe it's because I can't find love anywhere. Maybe it's because my car is sucking all my money from me. Maybe it's because I hate Christmas. Maybe it's because I can't buy anyone presents this year. Maybe it's because the smallest things annoy me and make my heart race. Maybe it's because I can't relax anymore. Maybe it's because I feel like a total failure right now. Maybe it's because people are worried about me. Maybe it's because I say I'm ok and don't mean it. Maybe it's because I don't enjoy doing half the things I used to do. Maybe it's because I feel I've wasted the past 10 years of my life. Maybe it's because my usually positive outlook is receding. Maybe because I have no overwhelming passion. Maybe it's because I need my own computer. Maybe it's because people don't dream big enough. Maybe it's because my father annoys me, but he's one of the nicest people I know. Maybe it's because I have to wear glasses. Maybe it's because lately I've been wondering if I'd be better off dead. Maybe because I realize I don't mean that. Maybe it's the liquid grating sound of my stomach rumbling in anxiety and hunger. Maybe it's because I'm starting to believe all the suckers out there may be right. Maybe it's because I know ways to fix all this, but refuse to. Maybe it's because I could have prevented all of this.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

People From Iceland Are Like Aliens Or Something

You know?


Dear Readers,

I'm not sure if anyone reads this web site any more but today is redesign day for all of my online presences. Thi swill be fun.